[debussybunny563]

Notes from Mr. Rak:

Originally Posted by Mr. Rak

This is a wonderful draft. You've taken a very complex topic and given it a great deal of insight and analysis. Very will done. As far a revision goes, I have one question for you: Where's the proof?

You make a lot of interesting and insightful claims about the text, but we need specific textual evidence to support them. Look for direct quotes and paraphrasings with page numbers to include in each body paragraph to further enhance your argument. Just to be sure to explain how the evidence proves/supports/demonstrates the point you're trying to make in that paragraph and in the paper as a whole. Looking at specific moments from the text instead of just general summary will add both substance and strength to your argument.

Again, very nice work here, ----. But a writer's work is never done. Look to strengthen this by adding specific textual evidence and adding analysis specific to it. Good luck!

Originally Posted by x the ibex

however, there is a stunning lack of source material to back up your reasoning. Get some quotes in there.

Spot on, mate.